The Navigation of Grief.

 

The last two years have each started off with a friend committing suicide. I still have their names in my cell phone. I can't bring myself to erase them. It gives me some sort of comfort to scroll across them on lonely Thursday nights when I want to talk to someone, or on drunken Saturday nights when I want to text some stupid picture of myself drunk in Downtown Las Vegas. Whatever the reason, it's nice to be reminded of them.

Suicide seems so selfish, really. To leave behind more questions than answers and even as I write this, I know it sounds harsh. For me, that's the element I struggle with most. How am I supposed to feel? I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm confused. I'm really confused. But if I think about it long enough, if I really let myself get down to it, my heart breaks.

In 2010, (the most recent year info is available)  38,364 suicides were reported to the Center for Disease Control, making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. In that year, someone in the country died of suicide every 13.7 minutes.

The most tragic thing to me has to be, in those final moments, that person truly believes they have no one to turn to. It's at this moment I try to figure out what I could have done differently or what mutual friends could have done differently to prevent a loved one's suicide. In both instances of my friends' suicides, we had a shared friend group and I know I could go to any of them in a time of desperate need. Why didn't that person think they could?

The possibilities are endless. Shame, embarrassment, fear, mental health issues.

Questions.

Questions.

 We are just left with questions. I suppose that's what makes it so hard to cope.

According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention "More than 90% of people who take their own lives have an underlying mental disorder at the time of their death. Many times, that disorder was never identified." That makes it nearly impossible to predict which people are predisposed to suicidal thoughts. And if that's the case then there really is nothing we can do except be the best person we can be to our friends, colleagues and neighbors.

Studies also show that connecting with mutual friends and other survivors of suicide loss is a key factor in coping. Group discussions seem to work best. It's good to know that other people are questioning the navigation of grief. It's nice to hear that these systems are being put in place to help those who are hurting the most right now.

For a support group directory of the United States, click here.

For a list of online support groups, click here.

If anything can be taken from losing a loved one so senselessly is that, perhaps, we pause before with dismiss someone so effortlessly. Are we really too busy to take the time to put our hand on the shoulder of someone we consider a friend and say: "I am here for you." Is the hustle really worth that? It takes money to nurture a city and time to nurture a soul. What's more important? I'd give anything to text my two friends and ask them.

(Asking questions is how I grieve. I pass no judgment on anyone.)